It’s December first. Another year gone. It’s been a trying year for my family. We lost my grandmother, then my grandfather and my sister moved to another state. These are the words I need to remember going into 2017, for life is short and we need to make the most of it.
As I sat on the living room floor this morning watching my little boy giggle while chasing the dogs around, my heart ached. When did my baby become such a “big boy”? It ached for that sweet little cherub that I could swaddle up tight, stare at all day and easily make happy with a bottle or diaper change. But, it also swelled with love for this little boy, this bundle of energy & personality whose boo-boo’s I kiss, squirmy feet I fight with shoes and love him more with each new silly face. Knowing all too well that a year from now I’ll look back thinking the same thing and miss these new moments.
Lately I find myself stressed to “do it all”. Leeps work schedule is crazy, making me a one woman show from sun up til sun down. Laundry, dishes, groceries, dinner, chauffeur, you name it – all while working a full time job. Some days we [look like] we have it all together, other days Gunnar wears a stained shirt and has Bamba & french fries for dinner. I sit down at the end of the day exhausted and the list of things I didn’t get done runs through my head but one glance at my sleeping boy in the monitor and all of that goes away. He’s alive, he’s healthy [half of the time], he’s happy, but most of all – he’s loved. He doesn’t care if the dishes get washed, or the laundry gets folded, or if he has a balanced, organic dinner. All that matters to him is that I’m his mom and even with all my flaws I’m the best, imperfect mom for him.
There will always be something to do. An email to read, a room to be cleaned, an errand to run, work to be done. Yes, these things will eventually have to be done but don’t let them consume your every moment. My hope is that Gunnar won’t have to constantly say “Mommy look” or “Daddy watch this” but yet will know that for all of his days we will be right there, cheering him on and proudly watching him learn, grow and explore. Engage in and choose your moments. Put the phone down and spend your afternoon laughing on the park swings, dance around the living room like crazy people, or drive around a look at all the Christmas “yights”. A year from now, you won’t care what the gossip on social media was – these will be the moments that become the memories you remember and wish you could get back.
The days are long but the years are short.
This saying never resonated with me until I had Gunnar and now it always brings a tear to my eyes. It speaks volumes in 9 words. There are days I count the
minutes seconds until bedtime, then there are days I never want to end. You blink and a years gone by. Don’t spend it consumed face down in your phone, or scrubbing dishes until your fingers are prunes. Spend it making memories with the ones you love.
Always remember: as a mom, dad, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend and beyond. Be imperfect & be present, in everything you do.